


Tears

by taengyong



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, House Party, How Do I Tag, I wrote this like 5 years ago, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mayhaps, Miscommunication, Party, apparently i threw in some chanbaek?, how could i forget that, jongin is a himbo, kyungsoo is a soft bean, slight mention of krystal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taengyong/pseuds/taengyong
Summary: "'Forever.' That is what he had said, that was the word that he breathed out against Kyungsoo's lips after their first kiss. That was the promise that Jongin had made to him. The thing is it turns out that promises are so temporary, so fragile and forever is an impossible promise to keep."Jongin promised he'd stay by Kyungsoo forever, so when there's a pretty new girl on Jongin's arm, Kyungsoo doesn't know how to control his tears.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Jung Soojung | Krystal/Kim Jongin | Kai
Kudos: 3





	1. Tears

Forever. That is what he had said, that was the word that he breathed out against Kyungsoo’s lips after their first kiss. That was the promise that Jongin had made to him. The thing is it turns out that promises are so temporary, so fragile and forever is an impossible promise to keep.

Kyungsoo blames himself, he should have known better. In art, red can be used to symbolise passion, sexuality but it can also be used to symbolise danger or a warning. Kyungsoo knew this. So how could he be so blind as to ignore all of the red flags?

The lies, the issues would all be forgotten with scribbled declarations of love or honeyed words spoken softly against Kyungsoo’s ear. He was angry but not with Jongin, with himself. How could he allow this to happen to himself? How was it so obvious all along yet he remained so oblivious the entire time?

Kyungsoo got caught up in the thrill, the illusion of passion that sneaking around invoked. He believed it was romantic initially to keep their rendezvous secret but now he knows it was only to maintain a façade. A fallacy of who Jongin really was. The false pretences he so easily had everyone believe.

Kyungsoo had his guard down from the start. Of all the people to do something like this to him, make him feel this way his long time best friend was the last he would have expected. But then again what does Kyungsoo know? Evidently nothing.

The touches still linger on Kyungsoo’s skin and he wonders if Jongin feels them too. The hidden touches under tables. The warmth that their touching skin provided. Jongin’s rising chest under Kyungsoo’s head. Kyungsoo felt his skin itching at the memories and had a desire to rip the layers off and start afresh.

Over the chaotic noise, Kyungsoo still hears the whispered words, the broken promises, the lies of loving confessions. They echo throughout the air and reverberate through Kyungsoo’s body sending a tingling sensation up his spine and a crushing one to his chest.

Kyungsoo’s mouth is alive with the salty taste of Jongin’s lips against his. His tongue wrestling with his own. His flavours were once familiar and comforting but now sickly and poisonous.

He could smell Jongin. His musky aftershave. His natural scent. The aroma of Kyungsoo’s bedroom after he had given himself completely to his best friend, his love, for the first and apparently last time.

And Kyungsoo could see him. Across the room with his arm wrapped tightly around her waist. After almost a week of not seeing his tanned skin, his dark eyes, his dazzling smile he was right in front of him. “They’re dating now, didn’t he tell you?” Chanyeol had asked seeing the confused expression of Kyungsoo’s face. But, he didn’t know. He didn’t know of the secret they held and he didn’t know of the shattering in Kyungsoo’s heart.

Kyungsoo did his best to hold himself together. He smiled a forced smile and went to get something drink. In honesty, the only thing he wanted was to get far, far away. Whether that was leaving by the front door or by tectonic plates separating to allow Kyungsoo’s descent into the Earths fiery core.

A plethora of different emotions embraced Kyungsoo; anger, sadness, embarrassment, being the most prevalent. And as the alcohol burned its way down his throat these emotions got harder to suppress. His anger continued to rise as he saw Baekhyun and Chanyeol engaged in an intense match of tonsil tennis. His sadness grew at the sight of an ignored Junmyeon but Kyungsoo took comfort in the knowledge that he wasn’t the only one having a horrid time. And his embarrassment multiplied when he overheard Jongin confirm to someone that he had been in a relationship for months now.

Now Kyungsoo felt cheap. He gave himself away. Experienced what he believed was making love for the first time with someone who had been in a relationship the entire time and he didn’t even respect his “best friend” enough to tell him. But then why would he? If he had he would never have claimed Kyungsoo’s body and that’s all he wanted clearly.

The itching in Kyungsoo’s skin grew more intense and he felt dirty. He felt unwanted. He felt like an idiot. He cursed Minseok for ever dragging him out to this party. Minseok noticed that something had been wrong with Kyungsoo the past week and attempted to cheer him up but having him attend his little gathering. Kyungsoo wondered how Min would feel if he knew that his actions only resulted in him feeling worse.

Kyungsoo escaped the kitchen and found his way into the hallway when Jongin’s voice grew closer. Kyungsoo didn’t want to reward him the satisfaction of seeing him like this. He was fucking pathetic. He was doing his best not to cry over a guy who made it apparent that he never really cared for him in the first place.

The hallway was littered with articles of clothing, the sounds of lovers engaging in each other's desires and that was the straw that broke the camels back. Kyungsoo ran forward into the unoccupied bathroom slamming the door shut and finally granted himself the release of his emotions he had been suppressing so desperately.

The hot tears burnt his cheeks as they fell and his throat aches as the sobs ripped their way out. His lungs felt like they were full yet so empty at the same time and Kyungsoo is certain he felt the crack in his heart burst open as he let everything he had been bottling in so tightly have freedom.

It was only when he heard a cough behind him as someone cleared their throat that Kyungsoo realised he had never locked the door. He lifted his head to see who it was, even though he knew he must have looked as big a mess as he felt and he was positive that some higher being had it out for him when he locks eyes with Jongin.

Surprisingly Jongin didn’t look smug or happy he looked as broken as Kyungsoo when he had seen how his actions had affected his best friend, his lover.


	2. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Forever. That is what he had said, that was the word that he breathed out against Kyungsoo’s lips after their first kiss. He never saw himself falling for a boy, kissing a boy but that didn’t change the reality of Jongin’s situation. He could help the butterflies that abused the inside of his stomach when his best friend made his way into his line of sight. He couldn’t help the dryness that formed into his mouth or the lump that became caught in his throat."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of abuse and suggested homophobia

Forever. That is what he had said, that was the word that he breathed out against Kyungsoo’s lips after their first kiss. He never saw himself falling for a boy, kissing a boy but that didn’t change the reality of Jongin’s situation. He could help the butterflies that abused the inside of his stomach when his best friend made his way into his line of sight. He couldn’t help the dryness that formed into his mouth or the lump that became caught in his throat.

Emotions are such a strange thing. They are so intangible, you can’t see them, you can’t touch them, taste them, smell them or hear them and yet, they have such a large impact on all of our senses. For something so internal, so personal that what is felt once will never be replicated perfectly, emotions have one of the largest influences on the decisions we make; even decisions that affect those who have never felt our own emotions.

Jongin is his own worst enemy and his hearts is his head. Each emotion is a reaction to the actions around us and we are have decided when it is appropriate, when it is correct, to feel an emotion. If someone insults us it is correct to feel: indifferent, annoyance maybe anger depending on the situation. When someone compliments us it is correct to feel: thankful, humbled, flattered and any other of the spectrum of happy emotions. Yet when someone of the same sex compliments us it is incorrect to feel: flustered, embarrassed or anything else relating to a sexual or emotional attraction. At least, that is what Jongin was taught.

A boy’s first hero is his father or the closest male influence in his life. They are taught to look up to them, emulate them, their behaviour, their ideals. Jongin’s father is a good man, hardworking, disciplined, a model citizen and an outstanding father. When Jongin’s mother passed away his father took the responsibilities of single parenthood in his stride. He made sure to teach his son to be respectful, gentle yet firm, considerate of others and himself. His father made sure to tell his son how proud he was of his achievements and how disappointed he was of his mistakes. Jongin’s father often told Jongin how when he was hard on him it was because he was teaching him how to be a good student, employee, man and eventually husband. Yes, Jongin’s father made it clear from an early age that he was going to teach his son how to look after and provide for his wife and children.

Wife. That word leaves a sickly taste in Jongin’s mouth just at the thought of it. He doesn’t want a wife, he wants his best friend, his lover, his first everything, his Kyungsoo. But that isn’t a realistic option.

Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo. Every fucking thought is polluted by that boy. His soft, gentle lips that feel like rose petals against Jongin’s lips and taste just like cinnamon. His small hands resting delicately against Jongin’s abdomen still leave prints and pressure when Jongin is alone. His voice that sounds like fucking honey. The indescribable warmth and sweetness that invaded Jongin’s senses when he nuzzled against his milky skin. No matter how perfect that boy seems, no matter how much Jongin thinks he loves him he can’t. He’s the problem or the fact that he is one rather. Why couldn’t he be her, everything would be so much easier if he was.

Jongin’s body is still marked by Kyungsoo; the bruises on his neck and shoulder, the scratches down his back. They are not alone, however, his body is also littered with bruises and cuts of a different nature, these were not fueled by passion but by rage. To say Jongin’s father was livid when Jongin came out to him, confessed everything to him, would be an understatement.

Jongin had a lot of fears and had gone to great lengths to hide who he really was. Sneaking around, keeping his real relationship with Kyungsoo secret and even agreeing to date the girl his friends had insisted he would look amazing with. They weren’t wrong Krystal is undeniably beautiful and next to each other they caught everyone’s attention. “The visual couple” is what people called them, a fucking sham is a truth.

After the night Jongin and Kyungsoo had given themselves to each other fully and made love for the first time Jongin had decided it was time to come clean and be honest about his relationship and finally be able to let the world know how he felt about Kyungsoo but after his conversation with his father’s first he was reminded that two boys being together is unnatural and wrong.

Jongin avoided Kyungsoo for a week but now here he is; in a too crowded house, with too-loud music and not enough alcohol to drown the guilt that is crushing every fibre of Jongin’s being as he notices Kyungsoo rush into the hallway. Jongin’s mind is telling him to stay, to keep his arm wrapped tightly around Krystal’s waist, not drink too much and just pretend to be having a good time at the very least. But Jongin’s heart, his heart is screaming at him to follow Kyungsoo even though he knows at this point he probably wants nothing to with him anymore.

The thing about emotions is that they hold so much influence and before he can fully register what he’s doing Jongin has leant close to Krystal’s ear and is whispering “I need to go to the bathroom.” She merely hums in response but that’s all it takes for Jongin to disconnect his arm and walk into the hallway, following Kyungsoo.

Amongst the closed doors and moans coming from various directs the light from the slightly open bathroom door and the soft sobs muffled behind it stand out to Jongin like a screeching banshee in a spotlight. Jongin’s steps are uncertain and hesitant but he takes them anyway, right foot, left foot, one after another and with each step he gets closer until his fingertips and ghosting over the door.

It feels like it takes all of Jongin’s strength just to push the door open and when he does he wish he hadn’t at all. By his feet, curled up in a ball sobbing hysterically was his best friend, his lover, his Kyungsoo. Unsure of what else to do Jongin clears his throat. Kyungsoo sluggishly raises his head to face the sound and when Jongin sees the doe eyes glistening with the tears that threaten to fall, joining the others that stain his lover’s cheeks and the broken expression behind them is enough to relinquish all control to Jongin’s heart and suddenly he is full of various emotions; pain, regret, sorrow, guilt but ultimately, and always, love.


	3. Goodbye

Kyungsoo felt elated. A strange electricity erupted its way through his body and he couldn't help but enjoy the warm feeling inside. As he swayed to the music and made his way through several drinks things were finally looking up. Two strong arms wrapped their way around his waist and a pelvis pressed against his back. It was probably intended to be sexual but the height difference just made it awkward and Kyungsoo's natural reaction was to become flustered at the contact and allow a school-girlish giggle.

Kyungsoo turned to the boy behind him, linking his hands behind his neck and dragging his tongue across his pink, although slightly bruised plump lips. Kyungsoo was inspired by the 4minute song playing and decided to channel his inner HyunA and be as sexy as possible and judging by the reactions he was receiving it was working.

Jongin felt something stir in his stomach at the sight of the shorter biting his bottom lip seductively. He had never seen someone who managed to encompass both cuteness and promiscuity so flawlessly. As Kyungsoo began edging closer he knew the kiss would only be moments away.

The first kiss was chaste, a gentle pressing of one set of lips against the other. The second was made slightly deeper by Kyungsoo changing his angle of approach. Kyungsoo soon felt the pressure of teeth on his bottom lip and gladly opened his mouth to allow the eager tongue to enter and snake its way around his own. There was no battle for dominance, Kyungsoo submitted willingly allowing himself to be taken over completely.

The taller of the two pushed Kyungsoo against the wall, tracing two hands down to his firm ass before hoisting him up. Kyungsoo instinctively wrapped his legs around the other's core. The kiss was sweet like cream with the same potential to be ruining. The lingering touches against bare skin were causing Kyungsoo's senses to go into overdrive with every nerve burning at the contact as a hand made its way up Kyungsoo's shirt. Even though the party was in full swing it seemed silent to the two so absorbed in each other. The musky scent of aftershave overwhelmed Kyungsoo turning him to putty in the hands of the other. And the sight, even though he had no right, causing a boiling rage to run through Jongin's veins. The sight of Kyungsoo with his tongue down Sehun's throat while the latter grinded against him was something Jongin never wanted to see and yet it was happening right before his eyes.

Jongin had attempted to reconcile with Kyungsoo, to beg for forgiveness, make it right but Kyungsoo would have no word of it. Kyungsoo called Jongin every name in the book, each venomous word cutting him deep. Jongin wondered 'is this how Soo felt?' But he quickly decided that it probably didn't even scratch the surface. So he took every insult, every slap, every punch but he deserved more, he deserved far worse for hurting the boy he loved, every tear that fell from Kyungsoo’s large eyes made Jongin sure of it and Kyungsoo was determined to make him hurt.

"I would rather drink bleach than let you touch me again." Were the words uttered by Kyungsoo before he stormed out of the bathroom like a man on a mission. Something had snapped inside him as Jongin had attempted to talk. 'How dare he?' Kyungsoo thought. 'How dare he think he can get me back, how dare he think he even has the right to look at me.' Kyungsoo had realised that he was being fucking pathetic crying over someone who's actions displayed that he clearly didn't care about him.

Kyungsoo had realised that even though Jongin had lied it didn't change that what he said was the truth. He was beautiful, special and anyone would be lucky to have him. Even a liar can tell the truth sometimes and Kyungsoo had to hang onto that for his own well being. Kyungsoo had realised his own self-worth and that he could do better, that Jongin was a coward and undeserving of the love Kyungsoo offered when all he gave in return was pain. Then it hit him, he wasn't the only one who could do better. That is what had caused Kyungsoo to march out of the bathroom or rather who.

Krystal stood out amongst the others. Her icy expression, her milky skin, her silky coffee coloured locks that framed her face so perfectly. Kyungsoo had decided that since Jongin had been with both of them it put them in the same league, something he was totally okay with as Krystal was undeniably breathtaking. Anyone would be lucky to have the chic beauty to call their own and there was a long line of people willing to try so why should Krystal be wasting her time with a liar and cheat who clearly doesn’t value her or care for her at all.

Kyungsoo didn’t know how to approach Krystal however, he didn’t know what to say. Explaining to someone that their boyfriend, that they presumed was straight, had been playing them both isn’t exactly Kyungsoo’s forte, so he did the only thing he thought to do. He wordlessly handed Krystal his phone and on the screen was displayed every text, every picture and truthless confession of love and every word that caused Kyungsoo’s heart to feel as if it had been ripped from his chest and torn apart. Seeing them for herself Krystal didn’t need an explanation or any words that Kyungsoo would fail to muster because of what was there in her hands, she had the truth.

Most surprisingly Krystal apologised to Kyungsoo, she was unaware of their relationship, much like everyone else was and felt personal guilt for the pain Kyungsoo had experienced. Strangely it appeared that out of all this Kyungsoo would at least gain a friend. Much to her nature Krystal was classy as always as she gracefully left the party and left Jongin alone.

And that was it, Jongin was truly alone now. He had no relationship with his family to speak of, everyone who knew of what he had done surely hated him and Kyungsoo, the one person he had ever loved. The boy who helped Jongin figure out who he truly was, what he really wanted, would never forgive him. As Jongin sat on the sofa contemplating his life and what a mess he had made it he didn’t notice the shorter boy approach him until his head was planted on Jongin’s lap “I still hate you but I’m sleepy and you’re my best friend, take me home.”

**Author's Note:**

> reuploading this here - some good old fashioned kaisoo angst


End file.
